My dad used to say “too soon we grow old, too late we grow smart.” I can relate to that. I’ve spent a lot of my life in a self-centered haze, not thinking about other people and what they might think of me or measuring my affect on them. But a few years ago I took a few steps back, and then a few more, and then decided to change the way I relate to the world. One of my actions was to live more authentically and to be more transparent about how I feel.
I started reaching out to people in my life and explicitly telling them what they mean to me. I’m more open about what I need in our relationship and if someone is unable to meet my needs, I’m adjusting my perception of our friendship and moving on. (I’m not denouncing them or cutting them out, I’m adjusting my expectations).
I’m also working on discernment and how one person may talk the talk but someone else is actually walking the walk, and THAT person is my ride or die partner.
I recently went to a retreat and came out with some revelations. You probably already knew about this, but they stood out for me in a fresh way.
Everyone wants to be happy – this rocked me. I know people who are profoundly unhappy and they hang onto that with every ounce of strength. Do even those people want to be happy? I guess they do. I suspect that life experiences have soured their perspective. Some may have given up. But deep down in their core they do want happiness. It just doesn’t look that way from the outside. How can this alter my behavior and demeanor?
Since I can’t change anyone’s behavior or outlook, I need to focus on MY behavior and outlook. I can put my thoughts and intentions toward a different outcome and that will change my demeanor and behavior.
There was a woman in our class who wanted to know if she should TELL the person about whom she’s meditating that she is doing this – and our instructor said she could, if she wanted, but it really wasn’t necessary. The point being that you can only work on yourself and you can’t change someone else.
I just had a milestone birthday and I was clear in my own mind how I wanted to celebrate. I had a lovely party with an eclectic group of friends old and new. And in the process, I received some lovely tributes. One person completely surprised me by their behavior and I thought – wow, it’s true. I changed my outlook and expectations and moved out of my comfort zone and we have moved into a brave new country. That gives me hope for the future. I will bravely step out and be authentic, present, and honest. I have no idea what that will look like and I expect surprises!
Corgi and a Cuppa Tea 