I am in SUCH a state! My mind is traveling a million miles an hour, my body has numerous aches and pains, and my breath is rapid and shallow. I’ve been like this for a few weeks and it’s making me crazy.
What am I doing to alleviate it?
I am LEANING INTO it, opening new web pages, playing video games, scarfing chocolate, gossiping with coworkers, snapping at my husband and dogs and wishing I could firebomb the office that just asked me, AGAIN to triple check that their data is not in a particular database.
I know better.
I work at home on Thursdays and that Thursday I was fully into the craziness – I had a spam call from the energy department that they were shutting off our power because we didn’t pay the bill. The bank called about a different issue with our checking account. My manager told me to “hold off” on some projects that she specifically assigned on Tuesday so they would be done by Friday. My blood was boiling and my brain was shooting flames. How to handle this? I could not lean in any farther without falling over. So I let myself fall.
I slipped slowly off my chair and sank to the floor. Took some deep calming breaths all the way into my belly. Felt the brush of soft fur against my left foot as a corgi moved in on me. Put a quiet palm on her shoulder when she started pawing at my shin.
Thoughts: Why are you acting like this? What is triggering you to be so reactive? Why do you think you need to get out ahead of things and control everyone’s actions? Where is your good sense not to mention your faith?
My faith. Because I am a Christian. And I do believe that God has plans for my life. And that everything will be okay. Every day I try to step out on faith (my challenge is to step slowly and make sure it’s right before leaping into the fray). And yet here I am being tossed and turned, body battered, brain exhausted, sleep a distant memory.
The refrain begins: I am a failure….stop that right now. I am human.
And it’s really really easy to get sucked into the outside world. Elections and Impeachment and homeless people in our neighborhood and traffic and corruption whatcanido? Howcanihelp?
A thought drifted into my mind: “Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10 (had to look it up). Be still —
When I lean into the stress, when I get high on the cortisone, when I stuff down my feelings – that’s when my body and mind break down. Be still. Observe. Let the frenzy happen around you and wait for direction. Listen to your heart and soul. Know that I am God. There’s some faith right there.
I can’t control the world, but I can help myself. Deep breath release tension soft corgi fur.
Lean into THAT.
Corgi and a Cuppa Tea 